Your heart is racing and palms are sweaty. You have a look of determination and fire in your eyes. You approach the automatic sliding doors knowing that once your feet hit that floor all happiness will cease. All joy will be a thing of the past and the nightmare will begin. You walk towards those loud, squeaky carts in hopes of grabbing one that will not pull so hard to the left that your whole left side got a workout. You place one child in the front and one child is told to hold on to the side and if his fingers even think of moving you will not get him his beloved candy bar. You pull out your list and take a deep breath and begin.
Oh the grocery store, a place of wonders for children and torture for parents. It's a place full of all things sugary, sweet, colorful, and fun. It is not most people's favorite place to go, especially, with little ones. I, for one, come close to punching one or two rude people and saying to my son "if you ask me for one more thing I will take all your toys and burn them in a fire when we get home." Do not make that face at me, you all know you have done it or thought something like it. Their cute little voices turn into nails on a chalkboard saying, "Can I have that? Can get this? I want one of those." OH FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS GOOD SHUT UP...but you just stare blankly at your list and say, "No, not today buddy", while your eye begins to twitch. If you haven't experienced the nagger I am sure you have experienced the whiner. "MMOOOMM I am so tired, my legs hurt, my eyes hurt, my face hurts, I don't like that kind, I don't want that juice." Yea, well you make my face hurt and I like this juice and will drink all of it by myself and don’t you dare ask for even one drop. Ha, okay that won't help but it is how we feel sometimes. So there is a nagger, whiner and then the temper tantrum cry baby aka your baby is sleepy as bump so take his butt home. They just whine and cry and cry and cry and then when you try to calm them down they burst out into “MOM I HATE YOU, MOM YOU BEAT ME, MOM YOU MEAN, MOM YOU ARE HURTING ME, WWWAAAAHHHHH.” Yea, you are about to feel some real pain kid, because we are about to go home with no dinner and you get to go to sleep hungry. There are so many grocery store nightmares. The question is, how do we avoid them? Here are a few ideas on how to avoid grocery store torture.
1. ZZzzZZzzzzzz
Do NOT, under any circumstances, go to the store with sleepy children! It is a death wish. I am flashing the warning signs for you! It is a bad idea. Eat bread and water for dinner. Wash your hair with dish soap. Put a paper towel diaper on his butt. Just DO NOT GO TO THE STORE!
2. MMmmM Snacks
Buy a snack and shove it in their little mouths. Keep the package for the check out and call it a day.
3. The Master Plan
No lolly gagging. If you can get it to be under 45 minutes to an hour than you will have much less chance of a child melt down. I just start at produce and run through every aisle grabbing only what I need and avoiding aisles that cause temptation and "can I have's" aka the cookie aisle. You don't need those cookies and neither does your child. Just saying. As you walk through each aisle if you even hear them breathe in for air to start a “can I have” just say NO!
4. Treat'em or Beat'em...Don't really beat them.
Discipline your children! OOOh yea I did. Spankings in public are not only embarrassing for you but for your child as well. One or two times will cure them for life. Don’t buy them their treat. Don’t let them walk. Call their daddy and make them talk to him. Stick to your guns. If you don’t play they will now that what you say goes, time out two hours later WILL NEVER BE EFFECTIVE. Kids need immediate correction otherwise they do not know why they are getting in trouble later and it is not as impactful. If they do behave then you reward them not give them what they want while saying “oh please please be quiet”…You are a sucker and that kid knows he has you.
5. Goodbye
Take them home! Just do it. Leave your stuff and run. Run very quickly. Throw them into their seat and drive. Giving up is not always bad. Sanity is much better than milk. Eating pb&j one more time just sounds better than a migraine.
6. Get over it!
This is to all the rude people who mean mug moms. You can just stop with your little snarky faces, eyes rolls, puffs, huffs, head shakes and whispers. People who don't have a child really have no room to say a word and if you have children than shame on you. Your children are not perfect no matter what you think. Hearing a child cry will not kill you. If you want to do anything you could maybe, help that poor woman out somehow. Give that mom a hug, tell her she is doing a great job, or pick up that box their kid just chucked on the ground; if you aren't going to be kind than just move along. I understand there are some super bratty kids in this world and I am very aware that parents can enable bratty behavior but it will not help anyone by being rude. Your little look did not change a thing; it just made that woman feel small or angry. I am going to make shirts that say “bully” on them and hand them out to all of you. Yea, that may seem like a bully too but you know ha-ha!
The grocery store can be a dark scary place if not taken seriously. Be firm, loving and diligent and you can overcome the grocery store dilemma. I know you will still have to avoid the crazy person who tries to run you over with her cart, the lady on the electric scooter who thinks she owns the aisle, the man who stands right in the way and won't move even when you say EXCUSE ME 100 times, the oblivious people who walk around as if they are the only people in the whole store and then look at you crazy when they almost hit you with their cart and oh so much more but that is part of living on planet Earth. Oh people, how human like they are.
Good luck!
The Honest Mom
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So I know it has been awhile since my last post. I apologize; life has been pretty hectic around here. I have also been struggling to decide what to write about. I usually pick a topic based on what I have talked about the most in a week but lately it has been a whirlwind of topics and I just cannot decide. I am writing in hopes that God just fills in the space with the perfect words.
Let go of control. Embracing life and understanding we will never have all the answers and we cannot control it all. I can be a control freak. Yes, I just admitted to all of you that I am indeed a control freak. I like the dishwasher loaded a certain way. I like the clothes folded a certain way and have a routine. I like people to drive my way. I like order. I like clean lines. I know some of you who are close to me are probably a little bit thrown off. I am a control freak but I am also pretty laid back and free spirited. I take every day as a new adventure and look for the positive in pretty much anything. I am a happy go lucky control freak. I guess that is a good thing because when I don't get my way I am pretty good at letting it go and not getting too aggravated. My husband might say otherwise but I think I have gotten a lot better. Anyway, being a controlling human being, which all of us are to some extent because we are, indeed, human, is not something we should boast about. Having to control or know every detail is not a mountain top worthy declaration. I mean let's think about it. What if a person walked up to you on the street and said, "Hello my name is Bertha and I am a control freak and I hate how you toe walk so please for the love of all that is good stop walking on your toes." Or what if someone walked into your house and took a quick look around and said out loud, "Oh wow look at that dust on your banister, when was the last time you mopped your floor and I would never put that painting in that spot on the wall." What if you were loading the dishwasher for your spouse and they walked up without a word and started rearranging everything you have done? (So guilty of that one) Do you walk into your child's room and see their "made" bed, that they have clearly attempted to make themselves, and remake it so it is perfect? Do you have to have them in clean and cute clothes before exiting your house? What if they have dirty hair? What if you have dirty hair? What if your husband has a hole in his shirt or *gasp* a stain? What if he leaves the house without locking the door or turning off all the lights? Oh that is just wrong! I say a lot of these because I am guilty of almost all of them. I hang my head in shame. These are things we have all thought in some way or have done to another person but to see it on paper makes us cringe a little doesn't it? If it doesn't than you are probably worse off than you think. We have to have everything our way. Could you even imagine life without having the final say? Well as a certain movie said it is time to LET IT GO! LET IT GO! I DON'T CARE WHAT THEIR GOING TO SAY! LET THE STORM RAGE OOOONN I CANT CONTROL EVERYTHING ANYWAY! Oh the last part isn't in that song? Oh my bad. Okay in all realness we do have to learn to let things go and accept life will always mess with your schedule. We have to see something being done and just say "I hate that, but is it going to hurt anything by not being my way? No." I have had to learn this since I have been married and had little boys. My oldest is notorious for wanting to wear the oddest outfits or what I call "ugly" pants. In reality he is just wearing what he thinks is cute and the pants may be outdated but really who cares? I also have a husband who no matter what I say will wear a shirt with a hole in it just to prove that I cannot always have my way. Yes, that man will purposefully go out in a shirt I loathe just to prove a point. He will also wear something totally embarrassing just because it is comfortable. I am telling you I married a man that really does put a lot of effort into proving to me that life is not always my way. I see what you are doing God. I see you doing that thing you're doing. Trying to humble me and tell me to get over it. I get it. I don't like it but I get it. Our need to control everything will eventually either, a) make us bitter angry people or b) make everyone around us bitter and angry. It is so unhealthy and sucks the life straight out of us. It also sucks any fun we could have. No, the cards for Candy Land do not have to be perfectly stacked in order to play. No, hiding in plain sight is not really hiding but your kid is 4! No, the gun doesn't really shoot tires but man that would be cool. Yes, your house does look like a toy store bomb exploded in your living room but, your child is laughing so that is all that matters. We can survive a day without having to have a handle on everything. We must learn how to pick our battles. If we aren't controlling life physically we are trying to control life mentally. We worry ourselves sick, literally. “Did I lock the door, is the gun locked, is she okay at school, is her lunch good, will my husband still have a job in 6 months, will I be able to go back to school, will someone break in, will I have time to clean tomorrow, will he have cavities, will playing on the trampoline be safe, will he break his arm on the monkey bars, is my hair grey?” I am stressed just writing all of this down. This is so far from living I can hardly believe people make it through a day without a panic attack. Actually that is probably exactly why people have them. You wonder why you grind your teeth at night, can't sleep, get colds, migraines and have anxiety. We try to take the weight of the world and somehow manage it all. You take every worry and concern and then try to manage it all into your little day planner like if you just plan for anything that nothing bad can happen. This is such a pointless thing to do. You cannot control what will happen to you in your life any more than you can control the wind, or clouds or rain. You cannot will life to work the way you want. You cannot do all the right things and then expect life to be easy. Life will never and has never been easy. It will always be complicated. It will always have surprises. It will always make you cry. It will always be unpredictable. Just when you think you have a handle on things it will all flip upside down. That is just reality. How else could God get you to understand that life is not about you and that you cannot control it? Oh yes, I just said that. Life is not about you. It never has been and never will be all about you. Worrying your life away will not change a single thing. Trying to make sure everything is just so will not make you a better person it will just make you a crazier one. It is time to let things go and let things be. It is time to let your kid wear those hideous pants because he just loves them and who cares? It is time to let your daughter walk out of the house looking like a mess. She didn't want to brush her hair and she can look as silly as she wants because that is her problem. It is time to let your hair down, take your make up off, let your kid or husband fold the towel however they want, it is time to let your husband load the dishwasher however he wants because it gets done either way. It is time to be the passenger in the car and not micro manage every move. We cannot control it all and that is a good thing. We do not need all the answers and we do not need to have our way. Imagine how much happier you would be if you just relaxed your mind and learned how to just let things be the way they are. Your kid’s bed does not have to be made perfectly because you live in real life not magazine life. Oh and can I say it probably makes them feel like crap when you redo all the things they worked so hard to do for you! Stop being a dream crusher. Let go of control and begin to enjoy life around you. See the little quirky things that drive you nuts as little reminders that life is messy and that is okay. Be still and be quiet, enjoy moments that are not perfect. Laugh at yourself. Laugh at your children. Laugh at your husband. Laugh at your mistakes. Let your kids get dirty. Let your husband have a night with the guys without calling him 100 times. Let yourself have a girl’s night without texting “how are the kids” 100 times. It is truly living to accept you do not have it all together than to try and hold the whole world in your hands. It will always fall apart. Enjoy life, stop controlling it. |