Dddiscipline. It’s the scariest word in the whole parent dictionary. You know, hidden with sex, puberty and potty training. I mean who really WANTS to do it? Who wakes up in the morning and thinks, “Ooo I cannot wait to put my kid in time out today.” No one really wants too but you know it is kind of a big deal. It is such a big deal this has to be a two part post!
We have these crazy kids running around punching, screaming, biting, cussing, kicking and flat out saying "no" to their parents with no consequences. What the what? You know what I'm talking about. That crazy kid in the store that picks up every single thing he passes then chucks it on the floor when his mom tells him to put it back. You have seen the kid screaming at the top of his lungs, "BUT I WANT IT AND YOU ARE A LIAR YOU BOOGER FACE DOO MUGGINS!!!" What about the kid that straight up punches his mom in the face when she tries to talk to him. There are all kinds of these crazy hoodlums roaming our streets, with their little dirty fingernails, smug smiles and bully ways. Now just to clarify I know there are some naturally rambunctious children. I know kids talk loud, throw fits on occasion and have emotional melt downs. I am not talking about those. I am talking about the ones that when you go somewhere, you see that child and you think, "ooohhh noooo" and then whisper to your significant other or friend, "That kid is cray cray for real" to which your friend replies, "yea he ate my lunch and stole my milk money once." Yea you know, that kid. Will Smith sang of these littles.
Okay, maybe you don't have one of those kids. Maybe, you just have a kid that you don't really know how to discipline. Maybe, you have a hard headed leader kind of child. Maybe, you have a liar. Maybe, you have a sneaky little turd, Maybe, you have a brilliant child that can out wit you. Whatever your situation may be, we all have to discipline our children. It is our job as a parent. It is the only way to raise children that will have any respect for anyone or anything. It is important. We are not meant to be our child's bff for life. We are not meant to be there go to pal. We are supposed to be their support system, structure, guidance and unconditional yet tough love.
It just blows me away when I see parents doing nothing when their children disrespect them. I have heard all kinds of reasons why people don't want to punish their kids or just gave up on it all together. Then these kids are sent to school to terrorize other children and adults. Thank you so much for that guy. My kid really wants your kids spit in his hair. I have taught my son not play with bullies and I have seen Aiden straight up mean mug a kid that pushed him and then walk away like, "what's wrong with that guy?" Ha! I am so serious though. The reasons are never very good.
I have heard. He just doesn't listen. She doesn't care what I say. He just screams louder so I just let him. Nothing works. I don't want them to think I am mean. I don't want them to hate me. I want them to be my friend. They are my friend so they don't respect me. He says horrible things and it hurts my feelings. I just think, "Seriously? You are a grown up! They are tiny!" I understand not wanting to see your kid cry but if you actually love them then you have to teach them what is acceptable and what is definitely not! How your children act is a reflection of you. I can tell a lot about a person based on the behavior of their children and the reaction of a parent to a child. Also, brace yourself here, this is going to step on your toes or even hurt a little. Your marriage is reflected in how your children behave. OH yea, I said it. It is true. If I see a little boy disrespecting and bad mouthing his mom, I know with very little doubt that that little boy’s father figure talks to the mom that way too. It is the same with little girls. If a little girl says something degrading or "funny" like, "daddy you are just not smart." I now that that mommy has said those words. It is crazy how much your life is exposed. This is not okay people! We have to teach our children how to be kind, loving, respectful and smart human beings. (The whole treating your spouse well is a different subject but you can start there.)
Now, I am not saying kids have to be locked up and sent off to boarding school. I am not saying children need to be sent to etiquette classes and taught to curtsy. Not that that is a bad idea. I am just saying you have to step up as parents. Relying on a teacher or school to teach your child acceptable social behavior, manners, discipline and structure is just lazy. Yea, I know you guys are mad at me right now. I know by paragraph two your foreheads started scrunching. Well, I am not sorry. YOU ARE THE PARENT. You are their authority.
Imagine with me for a moment. Close your eyes...wait … no, that won't work. Pretend to close your eyes. Now, imagine you are John’s boss and you ask John to go run down to the copy room and make 20 copies. Now, imagine that he throws his coffee mug on the ground, throws himself to the floor and screams, "NOOOOOOOOO! YOU ALWAYS MAKE ME DO THAT!!!" Imagine yourself as a boss. Naturally you would say, "John get up off the floor, clean up your mess and make those copies or you are fired." Well, that is not how you responded to John, instead you say, "OH please John, oh please, please stop crying, I will give you a cookie, Oh please John I didn't mean to make you upset. I will just do it." or "JOOOHNNN WHY DO YOU ALWAYS THROW TANTRUMS WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!! YOU ARE SO MEAN AND SO HORRIBLE AND I AM NOT GIVING YOU ANYTHING IF YOU DON'T STOP BEING SO BAD AND YOU ARE GOING TO LOSE DESSERT." or "....*walk away, clean up the mess, make the copies, hand him a lollipop and get on your phone." Yea, that sounds absurd doesn't it? You would not respect a boss that said any of those last three. You would call him a push over. You would probably complain that he wasn't a very authoritative boss. You would take advantage of his "wimpiness" and probably whine to get your way all the time. Yes, that is what parents do. When you get the tiniest bit of push back, give up. Stop coddling bad behavior. Stop, looking away. Stop yelling at the top of your lungs for no reason. Yes, kids make us crazy but that is parenting people.
It is time for you to stop letting a child control your life. It is time to be an adult. It is time to stop compromising. It is time to be a parent. Your children can still have fun, be adventurous, laugh, run, make jokes or whatever fun things they enjoy but they can have boundaries at the same time. My son knows poop jokes are for home NOT for church, Grandma's or really anywhere else. It is always funny to me when people say my son is so well behaved because every time I think, "Yea that's because he knows if he isn't behaving than he pays some kind of price." He is not scared of me...all the time. Ha! He just knows and respects that I am not going to tolerate bad behavior. He knows I love him. He knows that I love him even when he doesn't behave. He is not hurt emotionally for life because I took away his DS for a few days because, he disobeyed. He knows not to disobey now. He knows a bad attitude means he can sit on his bed and enjoy some nice boring alone time. Kids in children's church know that Ms. Rachel doesn't mess around when she says, "Do it again and you will go to the blue chair, lose treasure box or go see your mom." Oh it will happen.
You can do this! You are a strong individual. It is okay to make your children mad at you if it means that they know right from wrong. It is okay to hear the words, "I HATE YOU!" if it means you actually love them. It is okay to deal with the screaming and crying if you know that what you are doing is actually going to make them a better person. Put on your big girl panties and stand up to your tiny people. Stop, worrying about offending your child. I can't believe I even had to write that. Do what is right for them not what always makes them happy. They will thank you when they are older.
Your children will love you no matter.
Side note: * Give your own parents some grace. They did what they thought was best for you and if you had some really terrible parents than forgive them and move on to be the best parent you can be!*
Part 2 will be a top 5 list of ways to discipline so stay tuned!
We have these crazy kids running around punching, screaming, biting, cussing, kicking and flat out saying "no" to their parents with no consequences. What the what? You know what I'm talking about. That crazy kid in the store that picks up every single thing he passes then chucks it on the floor when his mom tells him to put it back. You have seen the kid screaming at the top of his lungs, "BUT I WANT IT AND YOU ARE A LIAR YOU BOOGER FACE DOO MUGGINS!!!" What about the kid that straight up punches his mom in the face when she tries to talk to him. There are all kinds of these crazy hoodlums roaming our streets, with their little dirty fingernails, smug smiles and bully ways. Now just to clarify I know there are some naturally rambunctious children. I know kids talk loud, throw fits on occasion and have emotional melt downs. I am not talking about those. I am talking about the ones that when you go somewhere, you see that child and you think, "ooohhh noooo" and then whisper to your significant other or friend, "That kid is cray cray for real" to which your friend replies, "yea he ate my lunch and stole my milk money once." Yea you know, that kid. Will Smith sang of these littles.
Okay, maybe you don't have one of those kids. Maybe, you just have a kid that you don't really know how to discipline. Maybe, you have a hard headed leader kind of child. Maybe, you have a liar. Maybe, you have a sneaky little turd, Maybe, you have a brilliant child that can out wit you. Whatever your situation may be, we all have to discipline our children. It is our job as a parent. It is the only way to raise children that will have any respect for anyone or anything. It is important. We are not meant to be our child's bff for life. We are not meant to be there go to pal. We are supposed to be their support system, structure, guidance and unconditional yet tough love.
It just blows me away when I see parents doing nothing when their children disrespect them. I have heard all kinds of reasons why people don't want to punish their kids or just gave up on it all together. Then these kids are sent to school to terrorize other children and adults. Thank you so much for that guy. My kid really wants your kids spit in his hair. I have taught my son not play with bullies and I have seen Aiden straight up mean mug a kid that pushed him and then walk away like, "what's wrong with that guy?" Ha! I am so serious though. The reasons are never very good.
I have heard. He just doesn't listen. She doesn't care what I say. He just screams louder so I just let him. Nothing works. I don't want them to think I am mean. I don't want them to hate me. I want them to be my friend. They are my friend so they don't respect me. He says horrible things and it hurts my feelings. I just think, "Seriously? You are a grown up! They are tiny!" I understand not wanting to see your kid cry but if you actually love them then you have to teach them what is acceptable and what is definitely not! How your children act is a reflection of you. I can tell a lot about a person based on the behavior of their children and the reaction of a parent to a child. Also, brace yourself here, this is going to step on your toes or even hurt a little. Your marriage is reflected in how your children behave. OH yea, I said it. It is true. If I see a little boy disrespecting and bad mouthing his mom, I know with very little doubt that that little boy’s father figure talks to the mom that way too. It is the same with little girls. If a little girl says something degrading or "funny" like, "daddy you are just not smart." I now that that mommy has said those words. It is crazy how much your life is exposed. This is not okay people! We have to teach our children how to be kind, loving, respectful and smart human beings. (The whole treating your spouse well is a different subject but you can start there.)
Now, I am not saying kids have to be locked up and sent off to boarding school. I am not saying children need to be sent to etiquette classes and taught to curtsy. Not that that is a bad idea. I am just saying you have to step up as parents. Relying on a teacher or school to teach your child acceptable social behavior, manners, discipline and structure is just lazy. Yea, I know you guys are mad at me right now. I know by paragraph two your foreheads started scrunching. Well, I am not sorry. YOU ARE THE PARENT. You are their authority.
Imagine with me for a moment. Close your eyes...wait … no, that won't work. Pretend to close your eyes. Now, imagine you are John’s boss and you ask John to go run down to the copy room and make 20 copies. Now, imagine that he throws his coffee mug on the ground, throws himself to the floor and screams, "NOOOOOOOOO! YOU ALWAYS MAKE ME DO THAT!!!" Imagine yourself as a boss. Naturally you would say, "John get up off the floor, clean up your mess and make those copies or you are fired." Well, that is not how you responded to John, instead you say, "OH please John, oh please, please stop crying, I will give you a cookie, Oh please John I didn't mean to make you upset. I will just do it." or "JOOOHNNN WHY DO YOU ALWAYS THROW TANTRUMS WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!! YOU ARE SO MEAN AND SO HORRIBLE AND I AM NOT GIVING YOU ANYTHING IF YOU DON'T STOP BEING SO BAD AND YOU ARE GOING TO LOSE DESSERT." or "....*walk away, clean up the mess, make the copies, hand him a lollipop and get on your phone." Yea, that sounds absurd doesn't it? You would not respect a boss that said any of those last three. You would call him a push over. You would probably complain that he wasn't a very authoritative boss. You would take advantage of his "wimpiness" and probably whine to get your way all the time. Yes, that is what parents do. When you get the tiniest bit of push back, give up. Stop coddling bad behavior. Stop, looking away. Stop yelling at the top of your lungs for no reason. Yes, kids make us crazy but that is parenting people.
It is time for you to stop letting a child control your life. It is time to be an adult. It is time to stop compromising. It is time to be a parent. Your children can still have fun, be adventurous, laugh, run, make jokes or whatever fun things they enjoy but they can have boundaries at the same time. My son knows poop jokes are for home NOT for church, Grandma's or really anywhere else. It is always funny to me when people say my son is so well behaved because every time I think, "Yea that's because he knows if he isn't behaving than he pays some kind of price." He is not scared of me...all the time. Ha! He just knows and respects that I am not going to tolerate bad behavior. He knows I love him. He knows that I love him even when he doesn't behave. He is not hurt emotionally for life because I took away his DS for a few days because, he disobeyed. He knows not to disobey now. He knows a bad attitude means he can sit on his bed and enjoy some nice boring alone time. Kids in children's church know that Ms. Rachel doesn't mess around when she says, "Do it again and you will go to the blue chair, lose treasure box or go see your mom." Oh it will happen.
You can do this! You are a strong individual. It is okay to make your children mad at you if it means that they know right from wrong. It is okay to hear the words, "I HATE YOU!" if it means you actually love them. It is okay to deal with the screaming and crying if you know that what you are doing is actually going to make them a better person. Put on your big girl panties and stand up to your tiny people. Stop, worrying about offending your child. I can't believe I even had to write that. Do what is right for them not what always makes them happy. They will thank you when they are older.
Your children will love you no matter.
Side note: * Give your own parents some grace. They did what they thought was best for you and if you had some really terrible parents than forgive them and move on to be the best parent you can be!*
Part 2 will be a top 5 list of ways to discipline so stay tuned!