Oh that word most teenage girls obsess over, most men could care less about and mom's wish we could keep up with. I know there are a lot of woman who keep up with style and fashion. I have been around many women with kids that always look fantastic. I honest look at them a majority of the time and thin, “No way! How do you have time or energy for that? How did your kid sit still that long? I mean do you wake up at 6 am? Do you have a magic hair fairy, personal shopper and buckets of expendable cash to just pick up cute new things?” I do not judge. I am just baffled. I do not understand for a few reasons. For one, I do not have the patience to go shopping for clothes, let alone take the kids into a dressing room. Two, once I had my second child something happened to my brain. My fashion sense just vanished. Not only do I have a hard time knowing what is cute but I do not even know what looks good on me, what my husband thinks of it all and what is age appropriate. Is this normal? I mean I am only 25 years old?! I should be at the top of my game when it comes to looking good. I don't even wear makeup anymore and if my hair is done it is a down right miracle. How do you ladies have time for all that? I understand we are all a little different. I have always been proud and embraced my laid back look. I can rock some beachy relaxed hair but tell me to get dressed for something remotely nice and I feel as if you just asked me to perform some crazy ballad. I am seriously fashion dumb now and that is not good in a world consumed with fashion and beauty. I am like a little kid at the kiddie table looking up at the grown-ups thinking, “one day I will be like them.” One day I will magically wake up with the desire to do my hair. One day I will have a new wardrobe that I guess was free since I got cero mullah for all that jazz. One day I will have an hour to go get my nails done. Yea, probably not but a girl can dream right? It is a lot of pressure to keep up with all that stuff isn’t it? I feel like there is so much pressure for us to look so nice. Why? So our selfies look good? So our men don't leave us? So our friends compliment us? So we can feel better about ourselves? So people will assume we are put together? Is it real? Is it you? Does it matter? Do I sound like the book of Ecclesiastes? Maybe a little. I might start going into a “vanity oh vanity” spiel in a sec so I better reel myself back in here.
I have felt so much pressure in the past that it almost made me depressed. I used to go to a church where all the women looked amazing. No matter what kind of day they were having they looked flawless. Beautiful hair, clothes, shoes, children and even their husbands looked stunning. It was borderline intimidating. I know there was absolutely no intention of making me feel like I was on the outside, but it did. It felt like high school. I knew a lot of the ladies personally and knew their beauty was much more that skin deep but it was hard for me to go to church and not be consumed with my outer appearance. I tried not to wear the same thing two Sunday's in a row. I woke up early to do my hair as pretty as I could, but I suck at that so it was always pretty average looking. I did my makeup. I tried to use what I had to look as fashion forward as I could but I usually stay a trend behind or try to stick to basic items. That is frustrating when everyone around you looks 3x nicer. I am in no way blaming this church for my insecurities I am just telling you how I have felt about fashion. It is overwhelming. It is a little sad that it felt like a fashion show when in reality I should have just come to worship despite my appearance. Anyway, the point is beauty and fashion is a hard thing for some of us. It is a big giant, self-esteem eating, life sucking, and heart breaking monster. It can cause us to look at ourselves in the mirror and just sigh in disapproval. As much as everyone says beauty is on the inside and we should be happy with whom we are; we all know we want to feel beautiful on the outside.
Don’t get me wrong. I do not see anything wrong with getting dressed up, doing make-up, curling your hair or shopping. I think it is fun to feel pretty. I think our spouses/significant others love it when we get all dolled up. I also think that we as females focus on that way too much. We feel as if our worth and identity is found in our beauty. A grey hair can cause us to fall apart at the seams as if we had no idea we would age. A wrinkle can cause tears. Sagging boobs can make us want to hide them forever. It is so sad. We walk past mirrors and either avoid looking all together or we look with a critical eye. When we are satisfied in our appearance it is the best day ever. We walk with our heads held high; we take 5 selfies, take an “ootd” and might even get a little frisky with the sexy hubs. The craziest part is our husbands think we look the same all the time. Have you ever said to a man, “I am having a pretty day.”? They kind of smirk as if you just made a joke or they roll their eyes and tell you that you look pretty every day. You know why they respond that way? Because, they really think that!! They think we are super sexy when we wake up with crazy hair and no make-up and when we are in heels and all done up. Why do we not believe them? What is wrong with us?
Not only do we critic ourselves but we critic other women too. I am not going to lie; I am pretty bad about this. I have gotten way better since marrying my husband and growing up but sometimes it is our first instinct. We see that girl with green hair and funky clothes and immediately throw out a judgment about who she is, what she is and what her life is probably like. Dude that is so messed up. We especially do it to beautiful people. Or at least I have. I see them and just assume they are happy, have money, must be a little snobby, drink fancy cocktails before bed, drink Starbucks…or whatever. HA! When in reality they have bad days too, shop at Ross, are extremely kind and drink apple juice boxes at night with their kid’s foot in their face. The worst is when we do those things because we want to feel better about ourselves. We try to make that woman appear to be as sad and small as we feel.
What I just said above is exactly what is wrong with us. We are too hard on ourselves and on other people. There is no grace. There is no reality. There is no relationship so in turn there is no understanding of who that person is. We hate the pretty people and we hate the ugly people. When in reality who the crap cares? My face doesn’t define who I am. Yea it’s nice to be pretty. It feels great to be in shape and wear cute clothes but in the end it doesn’t really matter. I will die and I have a feeling I do not want to be remembered for my wardrobe and pretty hair. Oh no, I went back into the “vanity oh vanity.” Sorry! I am so serious though. Ladies, we need to give ourselves a break and the people around us a break. We need to keep our snarky, rude, unnecessary commentary to ourselves and then punch ourselves in the face for thinking such insensitive thoughts. We need to look in the mirror and say to ourselves, “You are more than a face you are a personality and a freaking awesome person!” We need to strive to be beautiful wives by loving our husbands. We need to be beautiful friends and that means we listen and care. We need to be beautiful people by loving others more than ourselves. If we begin to focus less on what we want and more on how we can love others we will learn how to love ourselves. We will also learn what is important. Beauty really is fleeting and we cannot put all our stock or hope in that. When you see someone, instead of looking for the bad, look for the good. When your first thought is negative, counter that thought with a truth. Yea they might be wearing some funky fresh clothes but I bet they are talented in some way, I bet they love someone or something, I bet they could make you laugh. I bet they are misunderstood. Oh, and don’t give me that crap about “they bring it on themselves.”
Shut up. You bring it on them. You chose to think they were weird. You chose to decide what is normal and what is not. Give people a break. If you find yourself looking at someone beautiful and begin to envy her or look down on yourself than stop, be selfless and compliment her. Take your pride and stomp it to the ground.
*Side Note* If you are one of those well-oiled beauty machines maybe, just a maybe, take a day and not get dolled up. Let other people see you in your regular ole face. Wear comfy clothes. It doesn’t have to be sweats and over sized shirts but maybe just stay in your gym clothes or a boring old t-shirt and jeans. Get comfortable being…well. Comfortable.
So the moral of the story is…giving ourselves a break.
Mirror mirror on the wall who’s the fairest one of all?
Every one of us!
I have felt so much pressure in the past that it almost made me depressed. I used to go to a church where all the women looked amazing. No matter what kind of day they were having they looked flawless. Beautiful hair, clothes, shoes, children and even their husbands looked stunning. It was borderline intimidating. I know there was absolutely no intention of making me feel like I was on the outside, but it did. It felt like high school. I knew a lot of the ladies personally and knew their beauty was much more that skin deep but it was hard for me to go to church and not be consumed with my outer appearance. I tried not to wear the same thing two Sunday's in a row. I woke up early to do my hair as pretty as I could, but I suck at that so it was always pretty average looking. I did my makeup. I tried to use what I had to look as fashion forward as I could but I usually stay a trend behind or try to stick to basic items. That is frustrating when everyone around you looks 3x nicer. I am in no way blaming this church for my insecurities I am just telling you how I have felt about fashion. It is overwhelming. It is a little sad that it felt like a fashion show when in reality I should have just come to worship despite my appearance. Anyway, the point is beauty and fashion is a hard thing for some of us. It is a big giant, self-esteem eating, life sucking, and heart breaking monster. It can cause us to look at ourselves in the mirror and just sigh in disapproval. As much as everyone says beauty is on the inside and we should be happy with whom we are; we all know we want to feel beautiful on the outside.
Don’t get me wrong. I do not see anything wrong with getting dressed up, doing make-up, curling your hair or shopping. I think it is fun to feel pretty. I think our spouses/significant others love it when we get all dolled up. I also think that we as females focus on that way too much. We feel as if our worth and identity is found in our beauty. A grey hair can cause us to fall apart at the seams as if we had no idea we would age. A wrinkle can cause tears. Sagging boobs can make us want to hide them forever. It is so sad. We walk past mirrors and either avoid looking all together or we look with a critical eye. When we are satisfied in our appearance it is the best day ever. We walk with our heads held high; we take 5 selfies, take an “ootd” and might even get a little frisky with the sexy hubs. The craziest part is our husbands think we look the same all the time. Have you ever said to a man, “I am having a pretty day.”? They kind of smirk as if you just made a joke or they roll their eyes and tell you that you look pretty every day. You know why they respond that way? Because, they really think that!! They think we are super sexy when we wake up with crazy hair and no make-up and when we are in heels and all done up. Why do we not believe them? What is wrong with us?
Not only do we critic ourselves but we critic other women too. I am not going to lie; I am pretty bad about this. I have gotten way better since marrying my husband and growing up but sometimes it is our first instinct. We see that girl with green hair and funky clothes and immediately throw out a judgment about who she is, what she is and what her life is probably like. Dude that is so messed up. We especially do it to beautiful people. Or at least I have. I see them and just assume they are happy, have money, must be a little snobby, drink fancy cocktails before bed, drink Starbucks…or whatever. HA! When in reality they have bad days too, shop at Ross, are extremely kind and drink apple juice boxes at night with their kid’s foot in their face. The worst is when we do those things because we want to feel better about ourselves. We try to make that woman appear to be as sad and small as we feel.
What I just said above is exactly what is wrong with us. We are too hard on ourselves and on other people. There is no grace. There is no reality. There is no relationship so in turn there is no understanding of who that person is. We hate the pretty people and we hate the ugly people. When in reality who the crap cares? My face doesn’t define who I am. Yea it’s nice to be pretty. It feels great to be in shape and wear cute clothes but in the end it doesn’t really matter. I will die and I have a feeling I do not want to be remembered for my wardrobe and pretty hair. Oh no, I went back into the “vanity oh vanity.” Sorry! I am so serious though. Ladies, we need to give ourselves a break and the people around us a break. We need to keep our snarky, rude, unnecessary commentary to ourselves and then punch ourselves in the face for thinking such insensitive thoughts. We need to look in the mirror and say to ourselves, “You are more than a face you are a personality and a freaking awesome person!” We need to strive to be beautiful wives by loving our husbands. We need to be beautiful friends and that means we listen and care. We need to be beautiful people by loving others more than ourselves. If we begin to focus less on what we want and more on how we can love others we will learn how to love ourselves. We will also learn what is important. Beauty really is fleeting and we cannot put all our stock or hope in that. When you see someone, instead of looking for the bad, look for the good. When your first thought is negative, counter that thought with a truth. Yea they might be wearing some funky fresh clothes but I bet they are talented in some way, I bet they love someone or something, I bet they could make you laugh. I bet they are misunderstood. Oh, and don’t give me that crap about “they bring it on themselves.”
Shut up. You bring it on them. You chose to think they were weird. You chose to decide what is normal and what is not. Give people a break. If you find yourself looking at someone beautiful and begin to envy her or look down on yourself than stop, be selfless and compliment her. Take your pride and stomp it to the ground.
*Side Note* If you are one of those well-oiled beauty machines maybe, just a maybe, take a day and not get dolled up. Let other people see you in your regular ole face. Wear comfy clothes. It doesn’t have to be sweats and over sized shirts but maybe just stay in your gym clothes or a boring old t-shirt and jeans. Get comfortable being…well. Comfortable.
So the moral of the story is…giving ourselves a break.
Mirror mirror on the wall who’s the fairest one of all?
Every one of us!