So what is a mom blog without the ultimate mom post? Child birth and breastfeeding have to be the most mommy topics of all. OH yippy do da day! For anyone who has done either of those you can hear my sarcasm, I know. Child birth, while giving you a little bundle of joy, is probably the most..INTENSE, scary and most humbling experiences of all time. You carry around a flipping basketball for 9 months, then proceed to push it out of the most sacred of places, in front of a ton of people, while screaming profanities at the top of your lungs, or you are so drugged up you are just saying the most comical of things at the top of your lungs. Then you hold your bloody crying baby to your sweaty chest while tears, of what we can only assume to be joy, run down your red face while your legs are in the air and doctors are doing who knows what to your you know what while the nasty you know what makes its final decent. BARF! I am not sure in that moment if you feel more relieved that the whole process is over or that you have finally seen that little face. I am sure you can tell I am a huge fan of child birth. I love my children and I would do it again for them any day but let's be honest, that crap is no fun. I even had fairly pleasant birthing experiences. Aiden was a breeze with barely any pain medication and he came out in no time at all. Cole was a little bit worse because he decided mommy was just much more comfortable than a crib. He was sunny side up, 1 week late and made me push for hours but he is here so that is that. I do have a few tips for you if you are having or going to have a baby anytime soon...or ever.
- Do not believe half the poo people tell you. Everyone becomes a baby expert and indeed they are not.
- Stop looking up every single pain or discomfort you feel. You will scare the crap out of yourself for no reason
- You do not have to be cute or impress anyone. You look fantastic for a human growing another human inside of you.
- Punch people in the face. That was just my personal preference while pregnant.
- Get advice from other people who have a) had more than one baby b) are parents you respect c)NOT WEBMD
- Do not gorge yourself on all the things you crave because then after your baby is born all of those doughnuts catch up to you and you forget how to actually eat healthy. Not to mentions that crap is terrible for you and your baby.
Okay now here are some things I didn't expect when having a baby- You never really know when you are in labor until YOU ARE IN FOR REAL HOLY CRAP ITS HAPPENING LABOR.
- You could careless who or what is in your room when you are pushing a baby out of your vivacious V. The Queen herself could come in and you would not care at all. You could have a Minotaur standing in front of you talking about his day and you would just go with it.
- You lose all shame. AAALLL of it. You actually might go into negative amounts of shame.
- You can tell a doctor how you want it to be. They can mean mug you and say all the malarkey they want but you pay them, so yea.
- Do not. I repeat DO NOT let 1,000 people come visit you after you give birth. You and your baby and your baby daddy are exhausted and personally I do not want to see your little smiling face after I just labored for hours and my lady parts will never be the same! I want to go to sleep. I want to hold my baby and not let you touch it, so for a few days just ignore all humans. Now you know why none of you were invited to my house or the hospital after I had my kids.
Okay now onto the baby arriving and reality beginning. Up until 48 hours after your little baby’s arrival you have been on an adrenaline rush like no other. You have been excited, busy, delivering, then visiting and oohing and awing. Now you are at home and there is no one around to tend to your every need, no one to hold your hand in the shower, no one to check to make sure you're healing up okay. The first time your baby is ready for a feeding at home is a little bit nerve racking. Now I am speaking to nursing moms only because it is just a whole different world. I know all babies have their challenges but I have been a bottle feeder and a nursing mom and I assure you that breastfeeding takes the cake for most challenging. Here are a few things no one mentioned to me or that is a load of bull crap that I was told.- IT DOES INDEED HURT
- Not forever but for a good few weeks your boobs feel like…well, like someone is gnawing on them 10 hours a day. It brought me to tears a few times in the beginning. So who ever told you that it won't hurt at all is a liar and a jerk. Once they learn to eat better and start latching the first time every time it will stop hurting. RAW PURE COCONUT OIL IS MIRACLE WORKING!
- It is exhausting.
- It just makes you tired sometimes and good grief you get thirsty. I sit down to nurse and my whole being would scream WWWAATTEERR!
- Your baby will take a really long time to eat.
- Like a freakishly long time. You might as well start a new show or get a good reading list started. For the first few weeks they eat for an hour at a time. ONE HOUR! That is a lot of hours! After a month or two the feeding get shorter and shorter. My now 6 month old only takes 7-10 minutes! Woohoo!
- You feel like they aren't getting enough food.
- I remember being so scared that he wasn't eating enough and he was starving. No, he was fine. He was eating just what he wanted and needed.
- They fall asleep a million time.
- Just switch that sucker from side to side, tickle their feet, strip them naked, blow on their face, sing loudly, scare them...wait no not the last one. Just do what you can until they eat.
- There poop is looser but oh much less stinky.
- That is one of my favorite perks haha! My family was holding my 6 month old the other day, he had a poop and no one even noticed.
- It was way harder than I expected!
- You will either breast feed or you won't. If you are saying, "oh maybe I will', then most likely you will give up. You have to decide before that baby comes out of your womb that you will stick to your guns. That you will make it happen. You will latch and detach one hundred times if you have too. You will endure the pain, you will do it for them not for yourself, you will drink all that water, you will pee 100 times a day, and you will learn not to care about what people in public think. Stick it out thick or thin. That is the mindset it takes to breastfeed.
- You need a support system. (This is for having a baby in general)
- You need a friend that will send you a text 3 pages long encouraging you. You need a husband that will love you and tell you that it is worth it. You need friends who call and ask how you are doing. You need people. You will have bad days that feel like weeks and that is okay. You will cry in your rocking chair at 3 a.m. because you are so tired but that is okay. You have moment of crazy where you have to lay your baby down and just walk away. A few weeks out of your whole life is a small sacrifice that is worth every moment. You can do it!!
So if you were thinking of having a baby and thought it was only cuddles and kisses, I apologize for bursting your bubble. Being a mom is hard work and being a mom is not glamorous. Do not let pinterest, Instagram or fb fool you! This is real life!
PS I love my kids and they do get a lot of cuddles and kisses ;)